Cue in Tootsie Guevarra:
Mr. Kupido, ako nama’y tulungan mo.
Ba’t hindi panain ang kanyang damdamin.
At nang ako ay mapansin.
Mr. Kupido, sa kanya’y dead na dead ako.
Huwag mo nang tagalan ang paghihirap ng puso ko.
[Mr. Cupid, help me. Why not hit his heart so he can notice me. Mr. Cupid, I’m dying for him. Don’t let me suffer any longer.]
Say that I am KJ (KillJoy) but it is sad that love or getting into relationships is reduced to “kilig” or feelings that are brought by a mythical flying baby called cupid. It may sound old-fashioned, but committing to a relationship must be taken seriously so you can avoid heartbreaks that can definitely wreck your life.
I can still remember when I was still single. It was so easy to say “I Love You” to a person without a commitment. That’s the reason why many women get their hearts broken before the lack of understanding of some men when it comes to relationships. Love may be a starting point but it is not the end point.
As early as the courtship stage (if it still exists nowadays, oh I hope it does), you must have set standards to guide you in your decision-making. Men, before you court a lady; ladies before you let a man court you or you say yes to a man, I suggest that you add these three important things in your standards.
CLARITY
“Where do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know. Up to you.”
We hate this kind of conversation, right? We hate that our company cannot make up his/her mind on where and what to eat. If we are already irritated with this scenario, how much more if it is with our romantic relationships?
“So, what are we now?”
“I don’t know. Whatever you want it to be.”
“Let’s not put a label on this. We are already happy this way.”
Are you really happy that you cannot put a label on your relationship? It is not a yes, not a no. It is just maybe. Maybe s/he loves you. Maybe not. This can drive you crazy because you do not know how to act. You do not not know where this so-called relationship will go or end up.
I have heard a lot of stories like this and most of them did not end well. An unclear relationship faces an impending doom. Because there is no clarity between the two of you, it is easier for any of you to just let go and move on to the next fling. And the one who is hoping direly that this setup will work is left hanging and crying.
In short, expression of affection with no clarity of motive or intention is a big no-no. To avoid heartbreaks, establish or ask for clarity.
COMMITMENT
If you do not see this future relationship to end up in marriage, then there is no sense of getting into it. Why, you ask? Because any romantic relationship that has no intention of being a lifetime committed relationship such as marriage is called a pastime.
Instead of using that energy to improve yourself to be the right one for your right one, you settled to a relationship that you are not sure of committing to. A not-so-serious relationship is most likely to end bitterly. You just wasted your time, your emotions, your finances (of course, you’ll go on dates, right?), and heartbreaks. So, make sure that you are ready to fully commit before considering having a romantic relationship.
CASH
“Chinkee, does it sound so materialistic to consider a person’s financial capability before going into courtship?” Let me tell you, love birds, that considering your financial capabilities before entering a relationship is not materialistic, it is simply realistic.
Romantic relationships can be expensive. At courtship, the man gives gifts or treats a woman to a nice dinner to get her heart. Then both of you will eventually go on dates. Then you will exchange gifts during monthsaries, anniversaries, and holidays. Though romantic relationships are fun and exciting, they can be high maintenance.
I suggest that you consider that both of you are financially prepared before you go into a romantic relationship. If both of you have grown your bank accounts during your single years, then expenses during your sweet adventures will be the least of your problems. You can freely enjoy the company of each other because both of you have the money to fund your love-scapades.
This love month, don’t let the cupid target your fleeting feelings. Relationships are decisions. So take this gentle yet honest advice from your Tito Chinkee Tan: The heart is deceiving. Please love using your mind. Save yourself from heartbreaks and nights of ugly crying.
THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.
Is there someone courting you? Or are you courting someone?
Are you really ready to get into a romantic relationship?
What are the things you need to improve about yourself?
READ MORE GOOD ADVICE as Chinkee Tan tells you “How to be The One” while you build up your financial status through “Smart Money Tips for a Smarter 20-Something Life”.
TELL US in the comments below your own tips for courtship!
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