Talk to your fiancé/fiancée about money
Posted on July 18th, 2011 under Wealth of Advice
By Francisco J. Colayco
I can imagine how difficult it is to talk about money between two people who are in love and want to get married. They only want to think of their love and happiness together and money does not seem important when there is love. In fact, talking about money could start fights especially when both of them are not really knowledgeable about basic money matters. The talk becomes very emotional but unfortunately, as the older folks always say: love flies out of the window when the necessities of living are not available. In such a case, love could end up in quarrels and breakup. If a couple stays together anyway, it is because of great sacrifice just to be with each other. It seems such cases are becoming fewer and fewer in today’s world.
My wife and I met each other in Business School so it was natural for us to think business even during our courtship period. We have always been very open with each other about our finances, our goals and how we will reach those goals. But the irony of it all is that while we are both business people, we really didn’t have the benefit of what we know today in terms of personal money management. We just happened to be work as effectively as possible to reach high paying positions in good companies. We were prudent in making budgets and keeping within them. We were able to save and invest our money in different types of assets because we received the information on available opportunities. We made money on some and we lost money on others. But if we knew what we know today, we could have had less “heartache” and “headache” and still achieve what we have today and perhaps, even more.
Having the benefit of information now available to you, here are some tips on what you can do.
- Agree that both of you or at least one of you will study basic personal financial management. I have my books and articles that I know will teach you. Do not think that I just want you to buy the books. You can borrow them or just read Bulgar and the other publications and websites I write in regularly but make you sure you really study them and not read them like you would a novel. If you do not like reading, you can join our seminars where I promise you will learn like the thousands who have taken the opportunity. The one who has studied the “techniques” can now slowly bring up the subject matters that he has learned and discuss them on a regular basis.
- Start with your dreams together for the future. From these dreams, you will create common goals. Most probably this would be a house, a car, children including the number you want. One or both of you may want to still study some more or even help educate some members of the family first before you can embark on any asset purchase. You need to discuss all of these slowly before you make the final decision to get married. Just a short period on a regular basis…set a date of an hour or so every week to discuss until the subject becomes easier to deal with.
- You can start creating a “couples budget.” You must put your budget in writing as you work on it together. You can pretend that you are already married and put in your combined income. Discuss your goals and understand what your income and expenses are.
- Each of you will pay yourself an “allowance” because it is important that you are still independent from each other in terms of your finances. You will want to buy some items without needing the consent of the other. It is better not to hide amounts from each other because that starts deception, which can hurt your relationship in the long run.
- If you decide to have a common bank account, be sure you still have your individual account. Just transfer the amounts for your common budget in the common bank account so that you can keep track of your actual expenses from the common budget. Some are afraid to have a common account in case they break up. If from the outset you feel this way about each other, then perhaps you are not yet ready for a lifetime commitment. You may need to give each other more time to build solid trust with another.
It is never too late to start. Putting off your discussions about money will surely cause future disagreements. It is better to do it now while you are not yet legally bound. If your differences are irreconcilable, you can still make the necessary adjustments in your relationship. If you do not do this now, it could hurt more in the future.
Join our seminars. The next one is on July 23. Check out www.colaycofoundation.com. What better way to start a new life together than having investments that grow your wealth all the way.
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